My Brain AVM: Disability and Prayers

This week I’ve received a lovely gift: a prayer shawl from the church I attended when I was a child. It got me thinking about disability and prayers.

Content Note: Religion, “I’ll Pray for You”, Ableism, Accessibility, Politics, Social Attitudes toward Disability, Christianity, Mental Health, Parent Death

Close-up on a woman's hands and wrists, wearing a bracelet, holding an older man's hand (wearing a wrist watch.) Speech bubble from the left of the picture says, "I'll pray for you." Speech bubble from the right says, "...Sorry?" Keyword: disability and prayers

Image Description: Close-up on a woman’s hands and wrists, wearing a bracelet, holding an older man’s hand (wearing a wrist watch.) Speech bubble from the left of the picture says, “I’ll pray for you.” Speech bubble from the right says, “…Sorry?”

The shawls are a ministry of my childhood church. A group knits shawls for those in the congregation that need healing, the shawls are blessed and prayed over, and given away. My father received one several years ago when he was in the hospital a few years back. but the ministry hadn’t yet started when I was in the hospital after surgery for my brain AVM and stroke recovery. A dear friend asked last week if I’d ever gotten one, and I said, “No,” and one showed up at my door with this note:

This shawl was knitted by {name omitted} and blessed with prayers for your healing ~ Body, Mind and Spirit

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The appearance of this gift was timely, because in a Facebook group to which I belong, made up mainly of disability advocates but also of people just generally interested in disability issues, disability and prayers also came up. a thread got a bit derailed the other night when a presumably well-meaning individual offered to pray for us all.

“No prayers, please,” responded one person.

Group member Belinda Downes, who educates people about facial differences,  asked the group moderator if she could explain why the offer would be problematic to many people in the group, and then went on to do so. I quote Belinda here, with her kind permission:

“Thanks for the offer to pray. I’m a Christian too…so may I respectfully explain why offering to pray ‘for us’ is not helpful? If this is not appropriate…please let me know.

1) I understand as a Christian that we are taught to pray at all times about all things, and to have compassion for others. It’s not so much the prayer that is the problem but the ‘compassion’.

2) Speaking for myself, when strangers who don’t know me offer to pray for my scarred face, I know they are praying for the wrong thing. The people offering to pray for me try to imagine what it what be like to be me, and their guess is always a very sad story about loss and loneliness, but personally I’m very happy and have many great long friendships.

3) Because of point two, when people offer to pray for me, I don’t hear kindness, I hear inappropriate judgement. I hear that people think my life is sad and wrong just because of the way I look. And because of that I have the same reaction that {name omitted} has.

4) My advice would be to pray for what you know about, not what you think you know. And God will lead you to really know that He wants you to know about. God Bless.”

I don’t feel like I can comment specifically on everything that Belinda has said, because I’m not a Christian anymore. I’m a happy agnostic –  I figure that there’s something out there bigger than me, and (most days) I don’t feel any real need to pin it down beyond that, for me or for anyone else. I’m happy to let people define it for themselves, as long as they’re not hurting others in the process.

But I do have thoughts on disability and prayers. Let’s talk a little bit about that, and then I’ll tell you about what in Belinda’s post I *can* comment on.

Disability and Prayers: Some Boring Background About Losing My Religion

I was Christian when I was growing up. I was a devout Christian all through my teen years, in fact. My family was Anglican, but my faith had more evangelical leanings – I’d prayed the salvation prayer, and I believed it, even if as a result my faith life mostly vacillated between feeling like I wasn’t a good enough Christian or scared of what would happen if I wasn’t a good enough Christian.

I noticed in my last year of high school that sometimes I didn’t feel like I could “buy into” what my faith was telling me anymore. I simply found it hard to believe that people around me who were doing amazing things to help other people were going to hell just because they weren’t Christian. I wondered why God would judge my gay friends so harshly, and expect me to as well. I didn’t know that I was taking my first little steps away from Christianity.

Sometimes, when I talk about to Christians now, they say, “Did you think about it this way, though? Like – ” and I stop them right there, because I didn’t decide to leave Christianity on a whim. It was a journey. There was a lot of discussion with a lot of people (Christians and non-Christians, of all ages and in all stages of their faith), a lot of crying, a lot of anger expressed that I didn’t even know that I had in me, and a lot of thinking about ideas that I didn’t even understand at the time. My mother said, “Try not to think about it too much.” I wanted to say to her, “How can I not think about it?” In some moments I was very sad, in others I was terrified, in others I was exhilarated…because in leaving one world, a new one was opening up to me, and it was full of possibilities.

Getting through all of that, to a place where I can comfortably, with peace, say, “I’m not a Christian anymore, but if you are, great. Tell me about it!” took about six years, and I did alongside  defining events of my adult life to date.

Losing my grip on my mental health, when I thought that struggle was over.

Losing my mother, when I thought I’d have her for decades longer.

Losing my ability to move my body to move my body the way I wanted, a possibility that I’d never considered. My brain AVM and stroke changed all that.

Losing the life that I’d planned for myself, fighting to gain any bit of it back that I could, with every bit of will that I could muster, and then learning to let it go and build a new life.

So my convictions on my spirituality have been tried and tested, and I’m quite happy and at peace with where I am (and hope the same is true for you, because it’s a nice feeling.)

Disability and Prayers: My Position

I’m afraid that I’m going to sound contradictory. But…

Despite the fact that I’m not a Christian anymore and that I haven’t been to my childhood church more than five times in the last twenty years, I love the prayer shawl that I received this week. I love the idea of something warm to wrap around me, imbued with the loving intentions and focus of others who know me and my family, even if they don’t see me around church anymore. I live in a small town; these people still see me.  Most of them saw me grow up, so they know that there were rough times long before the brain AVM and stroke, and they see that I’ve built a life for myself as a disabled person since the stroke.

I know that lots of people in my community were praying for me when I was in surgery, and afterward, when we weren’t sure what would happen, and as I was recovering, and I’ll always be grateful. And I still welcome the prayers for healing of mind, body and spirit from the people who made my shawl  because I know that I can use this loving focus of intention. After all, there are times when, for a variety of reasons, totally unrelated to my disability, my body, mind and spirit do feel wounded and raw and in need of healing.

I still miss my mother, twenty years after her death.

I’ve often feel helpless and sad for friends and family that are facing far too much grief and uncertainty.

My body isn’t as quick to recover when it’s injured. Pain in my knee and foot set my back significantly this summer.

I wonder what’s ahead for me and if I’m making the right choices for my life.

It’s nice to know that people are thinking of me and that they care, and I will think of that when I wear my prayer shawl on cold nights.

However, in general I feel the same was as Belinda about disability and prayers. When strangers or people who don’t know me well say they’ll pray for me, I feel like there’s an assumption that my weak leg and a weak arm must make my life difficult and unhappy. There are some things about my life that I’d change, but I manage quite well with my disabilities and I don’t give them a whole lot of thought – but, as I’ve written about before, I’m lucky enough to have landed in circumstances that mitigate the effects of constant, debilitating systemic ableism.

I can’t stop you from praying that my physical disabilities be healed, but it’s not what I need. Or even want, really.

Disability and Prayers: If You Want to Pray…

If I could have anything…I’d want a serious commitment from government at all levels (and the funding and resources to back it) that *all* Canadians have what they need to live safe and healthy lives in their community of choice, where they can contribute their talents and feel like their presence is valued and appreciated.

As far as that concerns disabled people, the federal government  is taking some steps with their efforts to create disability legislation similar to the US Americans with Disabilities Act.

But lawyer and  disability activist David Lepofsky declared back in 2015 that Ontario was unlikely to reach its goal of total accessibility by 2025 – bad news, because an accessible Ontario is good for everyone, not just disabled Ontarians.

I’d really like disability-friendly governments.

I need…

I need good snow removal on the sidewalks in town and on steps and ramps so that I don’t fall and hurt myself. I don’t need electric doors to work – I can manage – but, damn it, it’s nice, because I’ve got one arm/hand to work with and sometimes I’m carrying stuff in my hand and have bags on my arm and my cane hooked over my elbow…and other disabled people really do need them. I need people to take me seriously when I say, “This is an access issue.”

I need open minds and open hearts and people to keep talking and not making assumptions about me and my disabled friends – assumptions about what we can and can’t do, about what *you* can and can’t do (and about what you should and shouldn’t do), about what’s legal and illegal. We need people to talk *to* us, not around us or about us – especially when the talk is about things that will impact our lives.

My life’s practically an open book anyway since my brain AVM and stroke, but if I don’t want to answer, I’ll just say so. I’d rather you ask. Just keep it respectful. Respect and dignity. We all deserve that.

Disability and Prayers: Bottom Line

There’s a bit of a list of things I’d love you to pray for, if you want to pray for me:  Friendly governments, accessible spaces, open hearts and minds, respect and dignity. But if you’re still not sure – ask, don’t assume. Even on the days when I look like I’m miserable (and I know that I have them), it’s probably got very little to do with my weak side.

This one rambled a bit. Sorry. Thanks for reading.

Visit Belinda Downes’ Facebook Page – Coffee with Belinda Downes

 

 

 

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SunRise B&B Refuses Service to Visually Impaired Man Because of his Service Dog

My dad let me know about a story I missed last week, about a Toronto couple being turned away from a bed and breakfast in Prince Edward County, Ontario because of the service dog traveling with them. The owners of the Sunrise B&B in Bloomfield, Ontario are, according to CBC.ca, “upset about what happened,” but stand by their decision to insist that Jill Greenwood, her husband David (who is visually impaired), and his guide dog Romy, find alternate accommodation.

I have thoughts.

Content Note: Ableism, human rights violation, expectation of accommodation

Golden labrador guide dog lies on the grass, alert with head up. Dog's black harness is visible. Just off to the side, we see the ower's legs in blue jeans, and their white cane. Keyword: SunRise B&B

Image Description: Golden labrador guide dog lies on the grass, alert with head up. Dog’s black harness is visible. Just off to the side, we see the ower’s legs in blue jeans, and their white cane.

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Legally Speaking

John and Joan Stenning, the proprietors of the Sunrise B&B, say that the Greenwoods didn’t tell them them that they’d be coming with a service dog. They say that had they been told, they would have informed the Greenwoods that their “no pets” policy includes service animals.

That set off alarm bells in my head (as I’m sure it does for many readers) because most businesses know better than to try and bar a service animal.  However, in Ontario, a number of factors have collided to make the bed and breakfast industry a strange little pocket of the hospitality industry where lawyers can apparently argue that the Stennings didn’t break the law by denying service on the basis of a service animal:

However, the Accessibility Directorate of Ontario did confirm that denying service to some because of their service animal violates the Ontario Bill of Rights, so I can’t see how how the Stennings or their lawyer can argue that they’re in the right.

Let’s unpack this a little more.

Public vs Private Space

I don’t know what the law has to say the status of your house as private space once you decide to rent rooms in it. But it seems to me that once you decide to open a business that lets the public into your life like that, you give up some of the right that you have to pull the “private space” card. I presume that no one held the Stennings at  gunpoint and demanded that they open a B&B. Anyone going into that business has to know that while they definitely have the right to set boundaries (within reason) about what guests can do, they also can no longer do exactly as they want in their home, all the time.

They may have to change behaviour to reflect that other people are in the house (keeping music and TV volume low, shorter showers, ensuring public gathering areas are always tidy.)

They may have to meet safety standards that they didn’t before.

Human rights standards need to be met. The Greenwoods aren’t interested in taking this to court, but maybe the next people with service dogs will be. The Stennings were just a step from violating the law under the AODA, and, if I understand the pending legislation correctly, would be in the wrong were it currently law:

(2)  No person, directly or indirectly, alone or with another, by himself, herself or itself or by the interposition of another, shall,

  (a)  deny to any person occupancy of any self-contained dwelling unit; or

  (b)  discriminate against any person with respect to any term or condition of occupancy of any self-contained dwelling unit,

for the reason that he or she is a person with a disability who is keeping or is customarily accompanied by a service dog, or who requires the accompaniment of a support person or the use of an assistive device to assist them with their service dog.

(Lawyers can feel free to tell me how I’m wrong, because the Stennings’ lawyer thinks I am…and Lord knows I’m no lawyer…)

And let’s not forget, they apparently violated the Ontario Human Rights Code.

If you don’t want to keep your home space private and not have business law affect it, don’t choose to run a business in your home.

And even if they weren’t in the wrong, or their behaviour had little chance in the near future of putting them in the wrong if repeated…what has refusing the Greenwoods service at the SunRise B&B got them? A bunch of negative publicity all over the internet – at least four different news articles, not including my blog post, plus the bad reviews on Facebook and the B&B listing sites.

I wonder if it was worth it.

Best for the Stennings and all other B&B owners who’d prefer to discriminate against those that use service animals to start thinking about how they’re going to deal with this issue, because mark my words…it won’t quietly go away.

Business Needs to be Business at the SunRise B&B

And if the Stennings and other B&B proprietors don’t like that idea…well, it’s really too bad.

People who rely on service animals aren’t doing so to be difficult. They have the animals because they’re disabled and the service animal helps them to function in society. Guide dogs in particular (like Romy) are expensive, highly trained, and they have papers to show they’ve been trained.

Denying someone service because of their guide dog is as bad as denying service (in an accessible building) to someone who uses a wheelchair, over concerns about the dirt that the chair will track in or that other guests will be disturbed by the sound of the elevator or find the electronic doors to be too slow to open and close, etc.

I admit that I don’t know what it takes to clean up a B&B thoroughly after a service animal has stayed there for a night or two.  But obviously other B&Bs manage it , because there are plenty of them in the US, and its Americans with Disabilities Act *does* require many B&Bs (there are exceptions, based on number of rooms to rent and whether the proprietor lives on premises) to accommodate people with service animals.    If a proprietor can’t manage whatever cleaning needs to be done, or can’t afford to hire help or someone to do it for them, then instead of painting disabled people and their service animals as a burden they shouldn’t be expected to shoulder, perhaps they shouldn’t be in the B&B business.

No other business owners in Ontario gets to pick and choose which pieces of accessibility legislation they feel like following – they have to accommodate disabled people. If added cost is involved, it’s a cost of doing business in Ontario.

Expectation of Accommodation

David Greenwood says he can’t remember whether he told the Stennings that he’d be traveling with Romy. Over and over again in the comments sections on media accounts of this story, I saw people saying that he should have made sure the the Stennings knew, in part because the “No Pet” policy for the SunRise B&B was posted on their website. To them I say:

And, as Kim Sauder said over at her blog, “Crippled Scholar”:

“It’s bad enough that systems aren’t in place to accommodate disabled people without advance warning (thus giving people an excuse to fall back on when a space isn’t accessible) but to suggest that we should have to announce our presence in situations we weren’t even expecting to require accommodations is absurd.”

Perhaps (and I realize I’m only speculating) that’s why David Greenwood can’t remember whether he mentioned he had a service animal when he made a reservation at the Sunrise B&B: it’s relatively difficult in 2017 to find a business that won’t accommodate a guide dog like Romy, that provides support because of a documented disability and has all the papers to prove it.

Perhaps he wasn’t thinking that much about it because he assumed that the Stennings, like most business owners in Ontario, know that you can’t deny service based on use of a service animal, and didn’t expect to have to identify himself in advance as disabled in order to receive accommodation.  After all, it’s also just a bad business decision to get embroiled in this sort of thing. When business owners try to bar people on the basis of needing a service animal – surprise! – it often makes the news.

As blatant ableism sometimes does.

Bottom Line

This was an unfortunate situation all around. Here are the takeaways as I see them:

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Thoughts on “Unite the Right”, Trump, and This Blog

I have some things I want to say about the weekend’s events with the “Unite the Right” protest in Charlottesville, Virginia…but it’s mixed in with some other stuff, so bear with me…

Content Note: alt-right, Andrew Anglin, Charlottesville, David Duke, Donald Trump, Jason Kessler, Protest, Racism, Terrorism

Swatika in a bold red circle with a slash through it. Keyword: Unite the Right

Image Description: Swastika in a bold red circle with a slash through it.

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It’s important to me to be fair. I like to try, to the greatest extent possible, to see all sides of the story.

It’s been important to me not only to comment on how Donald Trump and his statements and policies violate the rights of others, but how attitudes toward:

have been ugly and at times hypocritical as well.  Not because I like him – I don’t like Donald Trump at all. But because Donald Trump and the people around him have rights, too.

I feel like I’ve been fair.

But I’ve decided after this weekend that this blog won’t be a space anymore where Trump his administration get protective space. I started leaning that way after his tweet in July about barring transgender people from the military. I see now that he’s pursuing that course of action and I just…don’t want writing a defense of Trump in light of legitimately problematic ways that he and his administration are talked about (like falling back on sexism to criticize Kellyanne Conway) to be mistaken for support for Trump’s policies and how he conducts himself as President.

I’m especially resolved on that decision after his response to the “Unite the Right” protest.

Trump’s Response to the “Unite the Right” is Unacceptable

On Saturday, Trump said:

We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence, on many sides. On many sides. It’s been going on for a long time in our country. Not Donald Trump, not Barack Obama. This has been going on for a long, long time.”

It’s hard to know where to start, especially since Homeland Security Adviser Tom Bossert was (badly) defending the statement on Sunday.

And good for the GOP who are breaking rank and letting the President know that his statement was unacceptable. Credit where it’s due.

Andrew Anglin, a prolific neo-Nazi with a large following, had this to say about Trump’s speech:

“Trump comments were good. He didn’t attack us. He just said the nation should come together. Nothing specific against us. He said that we need to study why people are so angry, and implied that there was hate… on both sides! So he implied the antifa are haters. There was virtually no counter-signaling of us at all. He said he loves us all. Also refused to answer a question about White Nationalists supporting him. No condemnation at all. When asked to condemn, he just walked out of the room. Really, really good. God bless him.”

Something that the White House should consider, perhaps.

As for what I need to say on all this…

The Alt-Right Can Believe Offensive Things If It Chooses

I’m not disputing the “Unite the Right” protesters’ right to gather and protest the removal of General Lee’s statue, any more than I dispute the right of the people to counter-protest “Unite the Right.” Not because I believe in what “Unite the Right” stands for, by any means. I think that the alt-right’s beliefs are disgusting and their justifications for those beliefs are ridiculous. I think that it’s pathetic that the removal of a Confederate statue got the movement so riled up. But just because I (and most of America) doesn’t agree with them doesn’t take away their right to peaceful protest. If I’d believed for a second that the “Unite the Right” protesters had actually come with legal, peaceful protest in mind, I wouldn’t have been so concerned when I heard that the protest was in the works.

But, as we all know now (and I think we all suspected),  “Unite the Right” wasn’t intended to be just a peaceful protest of a statue’s removal. Marching onto a university campus at night with torches, yelling racist statements, isn’t peaceful – it’s a terrifying act of intimidation and violence.

They marched up the door of a church where an interfaith prayer service for peace was going on, making people scared to come out.

Counter-protesters reported that they had torches swung at them and pepper spray and lighter fluid used on them.

And that was Friday night; the official “Unite the Right” protest didn’t even begin until Saturday.

Peaceful protest was never the intent.

And I’m aware that the counter-protesters were violent as well. Earlier today, “Unite the Right” organizer Jason Kessler was  escorted away by police from where he tried to speak at the protest, after being  shouted down by the crowd and being pushed and tackled. I’m not going to defend assaulting Kessler. Violence isn’t appropriate, period. It doesn’t get anyone anywhere, and creates an atmosphere where everyone is unsafe.

However, those that are criticizing the counter-protesters for being violent need to acknowledge that the alt-right folks set the tone for the weekend on Friday night when they terrorized the UVA campus.

Their antics that night may not have legally been terrorism, but they were certainly an act of terror in spirit, escalated the next day by an act that was clearly domestic terrorism –  and because of it  19 people were injured and a woman, Heather Heyer, is dead.

As Jake Tapper said to Tom Bossert: “How many people did the counter-protesters kill?”

Headshot of a white woman, 32, with curly reddish hair and amber eyes. She is weaing pink lipstck and eye make-up in blue and purple tones. She has light freckling on her nose, and dimples. She is smiling. Keyword: Unite the Right
Heather Heyer, 32

Image Description: Headshot of a white woman, 32, with curly reddish hair and amber eyes. She is weaing pink lipstick and eye make-up in blue and purple tones. She has light freckling on her nose, and dimples. She is smiling.

Donald Trump Owes America More Than What He’s Been Giving It

Donald Trump refuses to call these things out for what they are or give any compelling argument that he’s committed to making America a place where all people truly are equal, and that makes me sick – because he’s the President, and even if the “Unite the Right” protesters had sat cross-legged in a park in silent meditation all weekend, he still shouldn’t be behind what they believe, or what any group whose philosophy involves restricting the rights of Americans based on race, sex, religion, sexual preference, gender identification, or disability believes.

And he should be prepared to say so clearly and definitively. When David Duke says about the President, “We’re doing this in your name,” a President who truly believes in an America where everyone is equal says, “Stop. Immediately. I don’t want to be associated with what you, your beliefs, or what you do.”

Duke, on what “Unite the Right” represents to him:

“This represents a turning point for the people of this country. We are determined to take our country back. We are going to fulfill the promises of Donald Trump. That’s what we believe in. That’s why we voted for Donald Trump, because he said he’s going to take our country back. And that’s what we’re going to do.”

I fear for a country whose President won’t denounce hate.  And I don’t want my blog to be a place where he gets anything that can be construed as defence anymore. I’ll be thinking very carefully about what I write about Trump in the future.

I feel like I need to make my allegiances clearer… and that I owe my American friends more than what I’ve been giving them.

I know that none of this is much help to a country that’s frightened and grieving and feeling very divided – but it’s what this Canadian has to give today.

And maybe this, because Trae Crowder always nails it…*foul language – NSFW*

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BC Town Will “Explore” Improving “Q to Q Ferry” Accessibility…Maybe

I already put a link up on the Girl With The Cane Facebook page to mssinenomine’s blog post about the City of New Westminster’s new “Q to Q Ferry” service, but I wanted to follow up with some comments of my own.

Content Warning: Ableism, Lack of Accessibility

Concept illustration showing a wheelchair in front of stairs, to represent something inaccessible Keyword: Q to Q Ferry
Lack of accessibility leaves people out.

Image Description: Concept illustration showing a wheelchair in front of stairs, to represent something inaccessible.

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The City of New Westminster, British Columbia, is running a ferry service to connect two communities, Quayside and Queensborough, which are separated by the Fraser River. It’s a pilot project that runs until late September.

It isn’t accessible – there’s a step to get on the ferry.

Specifically, the website says:

“The ferry can carry up to four bikes per sailing on a first-come, first served basis. Although walkers, strollers and bicycles are permitted on the ferry, the use of wheelchairs and scooters is not supported.

As the ferry docks are located on the Fraser River, which is subject to a large tidal height difference, the access ramp can be steep at times and there is a step to get onto the ferry. Cyclists, passengers with strollers and those with mobility challenges should use their judgement about whether they are capable of using the ramp and ferry based on conditions at that time, should exercise caution and use the available handrails as necessary. If the demonstration service is extended into a longer trial or permanent service, the City would explore ways to improve the accessibility of the ferry terminals.”

This is why Canada need a federal Canadians with Disabilities Act, by the way. Because given that these attitudes about accessibility are out there, it’s going to take government legislation with some teeth in it to make accessibility a reality, and not all the provinces aren’t going to make those laws by themselves – currently only Nova Scotia, Manitoba, Ontario and Quebec have disability legislation on the books. British Columbia is working on legislation.

An Act is in the works under the Trudeau government. But today I’m concerned with attitudes.

Lack of Accessibility is Bad Optics

I wrote this post on accessibility several years ago, about how if buildings aren’t accessible, if wheelchair ramps aren’t kept clear in the winter, if electric doors don’t work, if there’s even just “a little step” to get into a place, you send a powerful message to disabled community residents (and disabled visitors to your community, and their families, friends, caregivers, and anyone who’s ever been affected by poor access and who notices when it’s available/not available):

  • When you don’t maintain the features that make your business accessible (keep ramps clear, maintain electric doors, etc.), you say to disabled customers, “You’re disposable – we don’t care if you can’t get into our business and on that basis decide to go somewhere else.”
  • When your business isn’t accessible, period, it says to potential disabled customers, “We don’t care that you’ve got money to spend here. We’d rather not have your business.”

Both leave me thinking, “Why is a wheelchair user’s money not as valuable as a non-disabled person’s money?”

The Q to Q Ferry’s “We’d Rather Not Have Your Business” Plan

The Q to Q Ferry seems an especially egregious accessibility offender because its website makes it sound as if the City of Westminster figured that whether or not it could make the ferry accessible shouldn’t have a bearing on the ferry’s sustainability as a long-term venture. The “we’ll get to it if it becomes an issue” attitude toward ferry accessibility is significantly flawed in that accessibility is already an issue (not for the City, apparently, but certainly for people who use wheelchairs and scooters) and it’s reasonable to ask why the City wouldn’t acknowledge an accessibility issue at the ferry’s planning stage; there’s nothing about disability in the RFP (provided to mssinenomine by Alice Cavanaugh) :

  • Did the City forgot disabled people as it planned the “Q to Q Ferry” project?
  • Did the City consider disabled people, but didn’t figure that they’d want to use the “Q to Q Ferry” service, and figured accessibility planning was unnecessary?
  • Did the Vity consider disabled people, but didn’t figure that accessibility was a big enough issue in general that the “Q to Q Ferry” plan needed to consider it?
  • Did the City figure it could save money by not addressing accessibility right away and just hoped that no one would bring up the issue? (My money is on this one)

Whatever the reason, the City of New Westminster has shot itself in the foot, because they don’t have everything they need to evaluate whether their pilot project is sustainable. It won’t know at the end of September whether disabled people would use the ferry even if they could (including people with mobility difficulties who don’t use a chair, but might have trouble on the ramp, per the website warning); it will have no idea what the revenue stream from that demographic could be. It won’t know what it will cost to operate an accessible ferry, and therefore whether it has been charging enough over the summer.  When you prevent a group of people from accessing a service, you run this risk, as mssinenomine also observed:

“Whatever information gathered from this trial will be flawed because the trial itself is flawed. The City of New Westminster will have no idea how well large the need for this service is, because it has, by design, excluded an entire segment of the population who may or may not want to use it.

Are these the best times? Intervals? How do bicyclists, people pushing strollers and wheelchair and scooter users interact with other pedestrians? Should boarding be prioritized? How effective is our wayfinding?”

And it didn’t count on bad publicity.

Disabled People Know How to Spread the Word

Bad publicity not just from me and from mssinenomine and the reach of our blogs, but from the CBC.ca article that says that the ferry isn’t accessible to wheelchairs and scooters, and disabled people in the City of New Westminster itself, the disabled visitors to that city…and every family member, friend, caregiver, service provider, and everyone with a vested interest in accessibility, because we get the word around about these things. It’s a very big community, and it recommends businesses and services on the basis of how accessible they are and says, “Don’t bother” about the ones that aren’t.

I do let businesses know when I’ve encountered an accessibility issue and give them a chance to address it before I move on. But if it’s something that’s easily fixed and it doesn’t get fixed, or if I get a bad reaction to bringing it up (like “If the demonstration service is extended into a longer trial or permanent service, the City would explore ways to improve the accessibility of the ferry terminals,”) I won’t go back. And I’ll tell people exactly why.

Why should I use the services (or recommend to other disabled people that they do the same) of a business that’s just willing to “explore” becoming accessible given a set of circumstances? Either my money is good enough for them or it’s not.

It’d be nice to get the Mayor of New Westminster’s input on this, wouldn’t it? mssinenomine talked to him on Twitter – check it out. And thank you to mssinenomine and to the Disability Visibility Project for bringing the story of the Q to Q Ferry Service to my attention.

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Trumpcare, Mental Health, and the Goldwater Rule

Back to politics today for  a moment…because there’s something I want to say, and because I’m struggling with something about Donald Trump and the Goldwater Rule.

Content Note: Ableism, Healthcare, Politics, Trump, Mental Health

Senator Susan Collins, a white woman with short red hair wearing a dark blazer, white blouse, and pearls, stands in front of an American flag background. Keyword: Goldwater Rule

Image Description: Senator Susan Collins, a white woman with short red hair wearing a dark blazer, white blouse, and pearls, stands in front of an American flag background.

Although I have Republican friends that I cherish in spite of our differences in opinion, regular readers know that as a group I’m hard on them. I’ve called them out, sometimes by  name (some have told me unfairly.) I don’t believe that I’ve been off-base.

But I also believe in giving credit where it’s due. So, to Senator Susan Collins of Maine and Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, who’ve stood firm in this round of Obamacare repeal deliberations that what’s been included in the proposed repeal scenarios are not good for their constituents, despite bullying from Donald Trump, thank you. Thank you on behalf of my disabled American friends, and the children, families and elderly people of America that not only depend on Medicaid to keep them happy and healthy, but depend on it to keep them alive. Thank you for insisting that America be a country where everyone is taken care of. Your integrity and courage give me hope.

Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, a white woman with short blonde hair wearing a red blazer, a write blouse, and a pendant on a chain, stands in front of some trees. Keyword: Goldwater Rule

Image Description:  Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, a white woman with short blonde hair wearing a red blazer, a write blouse, and a pendant on a chain, stands in front of some trees.

Thank you also to John McCain, a man with whom I’ve definitely had my disagreements, who came to Washington in spite of his cancer diagnosis, right after brain surgery, speaking eloquently about bipartisanship and the need to work together to craft a plan for healthcare, pushing himself through the week and into the early hours of the morning last Friday night to cast the vote that brought down Trumpcare. Sir, I salute you.

Senator John McCain, a white male in his 70s with white hair wearing a navy blazer and blue dress shirt. stands against an American flag background Keyword: Goldwater Rule
MESA, AZ – June 4: Senator John McCain (R – AZ) appears at a town hall meeting on June 4, 2010 in Mesa, Arizona.

Image Description: Senator John McCain, a white male in his 70s with white hair wearing a navy blazer and blue dress shirt. stands against an American flag background.

I won’t ever forget what the three of you have done for my American friends.

And to the rest of GOP who are struggling with the idea of single-payer as an idea for health care in the US…on one level, I get it.

Didn’t think I’d say that, did you? Well, I’m nothing if not practical. Single-payer isn’t a perfect system. Not by a long shot. Are there wait times? There can be, for non-emergency issues especially. Is it bureaucracy-heavy? Not any more than the bureaucracy created by the American system having to deal with many insurance plans, I’d argue, but I could be wrong. But even though I waited a couple of months for the functional MRI that the AVM Clinic at Toronto Western Hospital needed to decide how to best treat my AVM, I didn’t have to worry about whether my family could afford to have one of the best neurosurgeons in North America specializing in AVM treatment rooting around in my head for 14 hours.

Take our system and make *your* single-payer system better. Show us up. In fact (if it’ll get you moving on this), I’ll bet that you can’t do it. Go ahead and prove me wrong.

Please! 🙂

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Now…why I’m struggling.

Donald Trump, Mental Health, and the Goldwater Rule

Last week, two friends who work in the mental health field, for whom I have a great deal of respect, said that despite their concerns about the Goldwater Rule, they firmly believe Donald Trump has a mental health condition and needs evaluation to determine whether he’s psychologically healthy enough to continue on as President. The American Psychoanalytic Association officially said recently that members shouldn’t feel restricted by the the Goldwater Rule when discussing Trump.

This is a tough one for me. I don’t like Trump at all, simply because I don’t tend to like people that are lying, arrogant bullies.  But I’ve fought hard against the idea that he’s unfit for office because he’s “crazy” because:

  • Even the most qualified mental health diagnostician would need time and access to Trump to make an accurate diagnosis
  • If the policy is that a clean bill of mental health is required to be the President, then Presidents as far back as Lincoln have been in violation
  • It’s ableist. There’s no reason that a President with a well-managed mental health condition should be treated any differently, in terms of perception of ability to govern, than a President with any other sort of well-managed condition.

And I think that ultimately I still believe that the Goldwater Rule should apply to the position of the President, provided that some other safeguards are put in place (because we do know that Presidents have had mental health conditions, and even degenerative brain conditions, that went largely unnoticed while they were in office):

  • Any President (not just Donald Trump) gets his or her mental health evaluated by an independent mental health practitioner on a regular basis. (I don’t know if this happens, or how often.) The Presidency is an extremely high-stress job, and it’s not unreasonable to periodically check at the very least whether that stress is having an adverse affect on the President’s well-being.
  • Concerns about the President’s mental health are treated like concerns about the President’s physical health – they are quickly, and thoroughly evaluated and, if necessary, treated. The President takes time off work if necessary, but the assumption is that he or she will be able to return to work, and that it will happen as soon as possible. The public is entitled to no more information than it would be if the President had a physical issue.

In other words: If the White House properly monitored the President for mental health conditions and ensured that if there were any conditions that were affecting the President so much that they interfered with his or her ability to govern that the President took time off (if necessary) and received the treatment and education needed to ensure that the condition was well-managed and no longer an issue…then I’d continue to stand on the Goldwater Rule and say, “It isn’t up to people who’ve never spoken to President to make a diagnosis. It’s up to the White House.”

But I don’t have that confidence in this White House. They can’t even make Donald Trump stop using his phone. They’re not going to convince him to let someone do even a simple mental health evaluation, or start treatment if that was deemed necessary – and Donald Trump is not a man that would step down. Not for the good of his health. Not even, I don’t think, for the good of his country.

So, I Struggle…

I’ve struggled as I’ve watched mental health diagnosticians openly break the Goldwater Rule since Trump’s election with their pronouncements in the media that he’s got any number of mental health conditions.

I struggle now, wondering if they were right to break the Goldwater Rule the way they did.

I don’t think that a mental health condition should automatically disqualify anyone from any job – I know too many people with well-managed mental health conditions that are in high-stress positions and that do an excellent job. But, like my friend said:

Whether someone agrees or disagrees with the content of his inflammatory statements, that is not the issue. This is not a matter of attributing mental illness because of disagreement with his views/statements. If you go back and view interviews with him from decades ago, he’s still the same big jerk, but his behavior has changed.”

It’s one thing to be a seventy-year-old civilian man with no insight into behaviour change and perhaps the need for help, and with apparently no one around you who will call you on that blind spot. It’s quite another thing when you’re the most powerful man in the world.

I think I know now where I land on this. If the White House won’t take action when there are indicators that the President needs treatment for a mental health condition, other people with experience and knowledge in the field of mental health need to be allowed to speak without fear of what it could cost them. It’s ableism to say, “People with a mental health condition can’t be President,” but it’s not ableism to expect Presidents that do have mental health conditions to work with their staff and medical team to manage those conditions so that their ability to govern isn’t affected.

To be clear:  Mental health professionals who are worried that Donald Trump isn’t competent to lead need the freedom to speak about it. Someone has to.

 

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Michelle Sutton, Autism and Self-Diagnosis

In 2014, Jerry Seinfeld, in an interview with Brian Williams, said, “I think – on a very drawn-out scale, I think I’m on the spectrum.”

Asked what made him think that, he said, “You’re never paying attention to the right things. Basic social engagement is a struggle. I’m very literal; when people talk to me and they use expressions, sometimes I don’t know what they’re saying. But I don’t see it as dysfunctional. I just think of it as an alternate mindset.”

Content Note: Self-Diagnosis, Support/Services Eligibility

Jerry Seinfeld at a premiere, waving to the camera with one arm while his other hand is around his wife Jessica's waist. Keyword: Michelle Sutton
Jerry Seinfeld
“Bee Movie” LA Premiere
Mann’s Village Theater
Westwood, CA
October 28, 2007
©2007 Kathy Hutchins / Hutchins Photo

Image Description: Jerry Seinfeld at a premiere, waving to the camera with one arm while his other hand is around his wife Jessica’s waist.

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The Autism Community Reacts

I remember anger from the autism community at his comments, like Kim Stagliano’s reaction, Ginger Taylor’s article (I remember this one specifically), and this post from Autism Daddy’s blog.

I don’t remember picking up on this distinction: The people who felt most negatively about Seinfeld self-diagnosing himself seemed to be parents. Autistics like John Elder Robison seemed more positive, encouraging the autism community to welcome Seinfeld. Lots of excellent points in his article.

But I don’t remember reading it in 2014. I don’t much positive reaction at all to Seinfeld’s comments. Maybe that’s why this enthusiastic post by Michelle Sutton about how she self-identifies as autistic confused me so much initially. I didn’t think that self-diagnosis was something was accepted or encouraged by any disability community.

How Would Michelle Sutton React to My Self-Identification Process?

To be fair, I’ve never really heard someone self-identify (the term that Sutton prefers to self-diagnosis) as a stroke survivor. For those that insist on self-identifying as being clinically depressed or having obsessive-compulsive disorder (two things with which doctors have diagnosed me), I tend to shift the conversation onto feelings and away from labels. Something about the person’s feelings made them self-identify that way, regardless of whether the self-identification is accurate or not. Or whether I believe it’s not. I’m often skeptical when people say things like, “I’m really depressed” or are convinced that they have OCD because they wash their hands a lot, but we can connect on feelings.

I’ve long figured, just from my own research and experience, that I have Attention Deficit Disorder. No one explored the possibility when I was a kid (I think likely because my grades were good). But as an adult, I can see ADD traits in myself, both now and when I was a kid:

  • Constantly losing things
  • Forgetting appointments
  • Getting and staying organized
  • A lot of problems with daytime sleepiness

The ADD assessment isn’t covered by Ontario’s health plan and is very expensive (not a reason I actively avoid trying to get a medical diagnosis, as Michelle Sutton does, but certainly a reason for why getting one isn’t possible right now.) I’ve told people that I suspect that I have ADD and will talk about the reasons why. But I don’t self-identify with it. It doesn’t feel right to me.

I can imagine why Michelle Sutton might tell me that I’m misguided, and I might talk with her about how her anti-psychiatry stance and “I’m being defiant” doesn’t work for me. And for me, ultimately, I’d rather have a doctor’s diagnosis, but I admit to bias – having worked in social services, I know that no diagnosis means no support services.

But even if it turns out that Michelle Sutton isn’t autistic beyond her self-identification, and I’m not suggesting she isn’t, if she’s found ways through her research and her connections with the autistic community to become more comfortable with all aspects of herself, and the community itself is supportive, who am I to judge?

I don’t talk with other people who have ADD…but I read some blogs on a regular basis, and I know that adopting some of the strategies that people use to stay organized have helped me to become more organized and less stressed out about losing things all the time. So even if I don’t have ADD, who’s harmed if I use the strategies and they make my life easier? No one that I can see.

I’ll have to do some more thinking about this. In the meantime, I’m glad that I read this blog of Michelle Sutton’s. At the very least it corrected some of my  erroneous thinking about the autistic community’s stance on self-diagnosis. I will put her blog on the list that will go on this site’s blogroll (when I get time to put it up!)

ETA: Seinfeld later backtracked on his comments and said that he wasn’t on the autism spectrum

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Back to WordPress! With a Focus on Web Accessibility…

Well, I’m back to blogging. On my new WordPress set-up.

Here’s some advice to all of you bloggers and would-be bloggers out there: If you’re going to move your large blog off WordPress to another platform, be darned sure that you’re going to be satisfied enough with the new platform that you’re not going to want to move back. Because it’s very easy to move a large blog off of WordPress…it’s a hell of a lot of work to move it back on.

Especially if you’re committed to making your blog as accessible as possible.

Laptop with wheelchair icon in a yellow diamond sign, centred on the white screen. Keyword: Accessibility

Image Description: Laptop with a white screen. The wheelchair icon in a yellow diamond sign is centred on the computer screen.

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An Apology Re: Accessibilty

Despite all my talk about physical accessibility, I’ve historically not been very good about ensuring that the blog is as web accessible as it could be, and that’s not something that I feel good about. Until this summer I didn’t really know what it took to make a website accessible, but as someone who at least knew that it was possible for websites to have accessibility barriers on them that could be fixed, I should have taken the time to investigate my own site for barriers and fix what I could.

I’m sorry.

What Brought This On and Where I’m Going Now

This summer I took a course in auditing websites for accessibility. I know what the issues were on the old blog. I’m trying to clean them up on this blog, post by post. I moved from Medium partly because I didn’t have enough access to the code to do that.

I’m trying to clean up at least 5 posts a day, but this will take a little while. Give me until Labour Day. If after then you still spot accessibility issues – like photos without alt text or an image description, or uncaptioned videos (CNN videos are bad for having no captions) where there isn’t an option on the YouTube frame to turn them on and I haven’t provided a transcript, please let me know at admin@girlwiththecane.com.

And for those that have trouble seeing the self-hosted blog, I’ll still cross-post to Medium publication.

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Forgetting May 29th – My Stroke Story

I wrote this when I was hosted at Medium, because when I moved there I lost the page on which I’d posted my stroke story…but I thought I’d post it here again anyway. Enjoy!

Content Note: Stroke and Stroke Recovery, Arteriovenous Malformation (AVM), Unexpected Medical Problems/Surgery/Hospitalization/Disability, Brain Surgery, Privilege

Cartoon of a woman on the phone saying, "I got kicked out of the hospital today...apparently "Stroke Patients Here" didn't mean what I thought it did!" Keyword: Stroke

Image Description: Cartoon of a woman on the phone saying, “I got kicked out of the hospital today…apparently “Stroke Patients Here” didn’t mean what I thought it did!”

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 I realized two things last week:

  • The page that had my story on it didn’t travel over from from my WordPress blog when I moved to Medium.
  • May 29th came and went, again.

So as much as I don’t like talking about myself, I figured that I’d better put something up here on Medium about who I am and how I came to be here.

The story actually starts on November 7, 1999, when I had a small hemorrhagic stroke in the middle of a job interview in Parksville, British Columbia. I didn’t realize at the time that I was having a stroke; I thought that the sudden, intense headache was due to a migraine. I wouldn’t learn until that night, when I’d gone to the hospital because my neck was hurting and I was concerned that I had meningitis, that there was blood in my cerebrospinal fluid.

That’s bad, apparently. Bad enough that the hospital called my father in Ontario and suggested that he fly out. By the time he got there the next day, I was in a hospital in Victoria, and I’d been diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) in my brain that had started to leak.

AVMs, according to the National Institute of Mental Health are “abnormal, snarled tangles of blood vessels that cause multiple irregular connections between the arteries and veins.” AVMs can occur anywhere in the body, but brain AVMs are particularly problematic; they “damage the brain and spinal cord by reducing the amount of oxygen reaching neurological tissues, bleeding into surrounding tissue (hemorrhage) that can cause stroke or brain damage.”

My AVM had been with me since birth, but no one had any idea it was there until it announced itself when I was 22; because I’d not had a reason to have any imaging on my head done until it bled, no one had seen it. It would need to be treated, which could be done with radiation, embolization (inserting a special glue into the AVM via a catheter through the arterial network), or craniotomy (open brain surgery), depending on the AVM’s size and position. I could get treatment in Vancouver or Toronto. I chose to go back to Ontario to be treated at the AVM Clinic at Toronto Western Hospital. After looking at my films, the surgical team determined that with a 4% (non-cumulative) chance of bleeding each year, my brain AVM would almost certainly bleed again, and might cause damage next time. Their recommendation was to try and reduce its size with an embolization, and to then remove it via craniotomy.

Which brings us to May 29, 2000. Seventeen years ago.

I remember the night after the embolization surgery, but the days after the craniotomy are fuzzy. I’ve captured some of my first memories in Finger Spelling.

I remember the seizure that accompanied the stroke, a couple of days after the craniotomy, but I don’t remember a moment where I woke up and thought, “I can’t move my left side.” It was more a gradual realization that this heaviness was real and not going away — the doctors were evaluating my level of paralysis, and physiotherapists were coming in and tossing my arm and leg around, and sometimes people would adjust my arm because I’d moved and it was pulling on my shoulder because it had stayed where it was…

I needed help to sit up in bed, and help to lie down.

I needed help to get dressed and undressed.

Walking was out of the question. While the team tried to stabilize my seizures with IV medications, I was bedridden; the few times nurses got me up to sit in a chair by the window, I was exhausted within minutes.

Because I was now forced to use my non-dominant arm and hand, everything I did was painfully slow and inelegant: brushing my hair and teeth, eating, writing (when it was vital for me to do it).

I was in the hospital five weeks, and then I went to an inpatient stroke rehabilitation hospital. The transfer there was so stressful that I spent most of the first day vomiting. I yelled at my night nurse to leave me alone, because I was never going to walk again. I don’t remember that; I was told later.

Seventeen Years Later

I used to remember November 7 and May 29 every year, but now they tend to slip by me, unnoticed. They’re two more days where I do what I do: go to work, feed my cats, work on my writing, watch Colbert (taped; I’m trying to go to bed earlier), fool around on Facebook…

Some people call the day they had their stroke their “re-birthday” but that’s never made much sense to me. Nothing about me died to be reborn the day I had my stroke except some brain cells. I guess in that way I’ve kind of rejected the recovery movement as well, because I see so many people waiting until they’re “better” to live again, instead of constructing a life that they want to live as they’re getting “better”.

Not that there’s nothing wrong with working to make your weak side as functional as possible after a stroke, especially now that we know that the window for regaining function is much bigger than previously thought — after all, I’m still seeing very small gains in my hand over a long-term basis. But imagine if I’d sat around and waited to be sure I’d gained as much as I could in my left hand before learning to do things with my right hand? I would not be:

  • Living independently — making my own (albeit simple, but that’s okay — simple meals can be nutritious) meals, doing my own laundry and grocery shopping, taking care of my cats, keeping track of my finances, doing simple housework (I do have someone help me with housework), managing my healthcare
  • Working part-time in the community and part-time as a self-employed individual.
  • Travelling on my own — as close as Toronto (4 hr bus ride), as far as Mississippi (5 hrs by plane with a stop in DC on the way over and Chicago on the way back) and out to BC and back again by plane. Further with people with me.
  • Educating myself — Finishing up my degree in Psychology, completing the Developmental Services Worker diploma on campus at Loyalist College, completing technical writing training by distance from Simon Fraser University
  • Advocating for myself and other disabled people as an internationally-known disability activist.

Life happens as recovery happens, so might as well get prepared as soon as possible.

Dealing with Challenges

I still definitely face challenges. I was very lucky in that not long after I felt able to work, I got a great part-time job in my field that I found enjoyable and fulfilling. But I lost the job after few years because of funding concerns. Work has been difficult to find with my disabilities, and always part-time and low-security. I started writing the Girl With the Cane blog during a particularly long stretch of unemployment.

I’m learning that as I approach middle age, I’m not as resilient as I once was. I fell last winter and fractured my kneecap and I’m still experiencing a lot of pain. Several months later, I still can’t walk nearly as much as I’ve been able to in the past, which is very frustrating; not being able to at least walk to and from town and work like I used to feels like a big blow to my independence. I ask for help with transportation much more than I used to. I had a major seizure last September after being seizure-free for a few years, so driving is a few years off even if I could afford a car.

Even after 17 years, asking for (and accepting) help doesn’t come easily, but I work at it.

Canadian and Privileged

Despite challenges, I feel lucky to live in Canada, where my medical treatment and rehabilitation didn’t put my family into major debt and where getting income support and help to pay for my medications as a disabled person who couldn’t work was relatively easy (compared to what I’ve heard it’s like in the US). These systems aren’t perfect and I’ve heard real horror stories, but I’ve been fortunate.

Privileged, even — I’m white, straight, cisgendered, and able to pay my bills, with affordable health care (including dental, medicine and eye exams) with the means to access it. My family is supportive and loving. I’ve only ever felt unsafe a very few times in my life.

I’m very fortunate, and I try to always remember this as I do what I can to make the world better for those that haven’t been as lucky as I have. Some days it doesn’t feel like I can do a whole lot, but sometimes you don’t need to do a whole lot to make a difference in someone’s life. So I do what I can and hope it’s enough.

I’m looking forward to forgetting May 29 next year. 🙂

 

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Fox News Contributor Calls Autistic Child a “Snowflake”

There’s a quote that goes, “When you assume, you make an ass of you and me.” It’s a funny reminder that speaking and/or acting before we know the whole story can make us (and other people) look foolish.

Content Note: Ableism, Bullying, Cyberbullying, Non-Pology

Snowflake image on blue-green circle. Keyword: Tammy Bruce

Image Description: Snowflake image on blue-green circle

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Sometimes making assumptions does more than make people look foolish, though — disabled people particularly are often harmed by the assumptions of others. Assumptions like, “If you can’t talk, you have nothing to say”, “people with intellectual disabilities don’t need families and are best cared for in institutions”, “disabled people don’t work for the money”, and “disabled students in schools are better off segregated from non-disabled students” have been used to violate the rights of disabled people in Canada and the US for almost a century, and we are still fighting for the right to live safely as full, active participants in our communities.

Often assumptions are smaller, and their effects are less far-reaching, but just as sad to witness. Let’s consider a segment on the May 10th episode of “Tucker Carlson Tonight”, guest hosted by Fox anchor Bill Hemmer.

Fragile Children

Hemmer’s “Are Our Children Fragile?” segment focused on an event for military families hosted by VP Mike Pence. While addressing the families, Pence accidentally brushed the face of one of the children standing just behind the podium, Michael Yee, who afterward said to him several times, “You owe me an apology.” Footage of the interaction here:

 

Pence bumped him in the nose. He wanted an apology. Fair enough.

Not according to Tammy Bruce, radio host, and Hemmer’s guest commentator on what happened. Video in the linked article.

Transcript:

Tammy Bruce: I guess we’re giving birth to snowflakes now, because that looked like that kid needed a safe space in that room.

Bill Hemmer: Is this a different time or not?

Tammy Bruce: It is, a bit. The eight-year-old pretty much stalked the Vice President afterwards. He wasn’t even — the headlines said he was “hit, he was struck, he was smashed, he was bumped.” The fabric on his sleeve touched his nose maybe. He stalks the Vice President, says, “you owe me an apology.” This is like he was channelling [University of Missouri professor] Melissa Click wanting to get some muscle into the room. This is crazy. Now look, he’s seen it either on television, maybe he’s seen it at home perhaps, but he felt aggrieved because, I don’t know, the vice president maybe slightly touched his nose. It’s pretty amazing.

(Background Reading: For those that aren’t familiar with how “snowflake” has come to refer young people that are weak, entitled, and unable to cope with life, this Guardian article provides a good overview that also touches on the conservative disdain for “safe spaces”.

This New York Times op-ed also discusses safe spaces.

Reading Suggestion for Tammy Bruce

I read Stephen Covey’s “7 Secrets of Highly Successful People” when I was in high school. Covey tells a great story in that book about finding himself on a subway one night with a couple of kids that were running around, making noise and grabbing peoples’ papers and generally annoying everyone, and a father that seemed out of it and unwilling to do anything about them. Covey talks about getting more and more annoyed, tired after a long day, until he finally has it and asks the father if he maybe wants to do something about his kids.

Covey says in his book, “The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.”

Covey talks about how immediately his orientation toward the man changed. Instead of seeing a man that he assumed was just too lazy to take care of his kids, he saw a man that was grieving and overwhelmed, and his first instinct became to find out how if he could help.

Assumptions, people. Everything isn’t always as it looks at first glance.

Tammy Bruce and Assumptions

Tammy Bruce made a lot of assumptions about Michael Yee, and it wasn’t long before she figured it out. Presumably (I realize that I’m making an assumption) it was because she saw CNN’s Jake Tapper’s piece with Michael’s mother later that week, in which we find out that ten-year-old Michael (not eight-year-old, as Bruce said) is autistic, has only been verbal for five years, and has been working very hard with his mother, teacher and therapists on social skills, including for what behaviours he needs to apologize and for what behaviours he should expect an apology from others.

Because the next time we saw Tammy Bruce on Fox News, she was talking about Michael very differently.

Here’s Jake Tapper’s interview with Michael’s mother, Dr. Ingrid Herrera-Yee. Transcript starts at 1:19.

 

Jake Tapper: Regular viewers of “The Lead” know that military families often turn to us then they feel that they’ve been wronged, and that is the case with Michael’s mother, Dr. Ingrid Herrera-Yee. She joins me now. Thank you so much for being with me today. A lot of comments about Michael from people who don’t know him — why don’t you tell us about Michael?

Dr. Herrera-Yee: Well, Michael is ten years old, he is on the autism spectrum, he’s a military child, and he loves the White House; he calls it “the peoples’ house”, he was excited to go visit. For those who don’t have a child with autism, they need to really rehearse and, you know, a lot of their therapy involved practicing social interactions.

Jake Tapper: How long has he been verbal?

Dr. Herrera-Yee: Only five years, so about half his life he’s been verbal.

Jake Tapper: So that was — when you see that video, you see a kid who’s working hard to —

Dr. Herrera-Yee: I see a champ, yeah.

Jake Tapper: A champ — to say…somebody did something and he thinks an apology is owed.

Dr. Herrera-Yee: Absolutely. Because for him it was about manners. He says that to me and his dad all the time: ”You owe me an apology”. It’s not meant in any sort of negative way, it’s just him learning, again, the social interaction with someone else — so, what is appropriate to say, what isn’t…and we teach him about being, you know, having his manners and apologizing if he’s done something wrong. He was simply following, you know, what he’s learned in therapy, and what his wonderful teachers at school have taught him, and what we’ve taught him at home, just to, you know, make sure that there’s an apology there. And he was so sweet about it — just “Excuse me.” There was no…he wasn’t overly…

Jake Tapper: No, no, he was wonderful. He was very charming. And I assume that you thought until Friday night that the media coverage seemed respectful, and, ”Look at this charming moment”, and the Vice President was wonderful.

Dr. Herrera-Yee: The Vice President was wonderful. My son was so excited to be there and to meet him. He’s a big fan of the Vice President. He (Mike Pence) came into the room…he (Michael) doesn’t know about politics, he was just hanging around, having a good time. They gave him ice cream and brownies, you know? He had fun. And the Vice President was so respectful, he gave him a hug at the end, gave him a high five. He apologized when he noticed. It was no big deal. It was just a cute little clip.

Jake Tapper: And then what happened Friday night? When did you find out about, um, this attack of your ten-year-old boy?

Dr. Herrera-Yee: Well, um, I’d actually gotten a call from my mother, who had seen a teaser, and she had told me that they were going to talk about Michael. Now, earlier in the morning, on Fox and Friends, they’d talked about Michael in a really positive way, so I was excited. So I sat down with my coffee and started watching, and then suddenly it just went south. I was…devastated…when I saw — and what they were saying. People who- they didn’t even know his age. They didn’t know who he was. They were really taking out of context a really innocent, you know, interchange between the Vice President and my son.

Jake Tapper: And you have-you have other children. And your fifteen-year-old, Will-um, this hit him pretty hard.

Dr. Herrera-Yee: It did. I’ve tried to shield my children from this, as any, you know, parent would. I would not want them to, to be reading some of the comments that are out there about my son and my family and myself. And he, unfortunately, being that he’s a teenager and he’s online, saw this. So, not understanding, he went online and answered some of the negativity, trying to defend his brother. But he was viciously attacked online, and I came home to find him crying, um, about this. So, it’s definitely affecting our family.

Jake Tapper: How can we fix this? What do you want? What do you want to be done for this wrong to be righted?

Dr. Herrera-Yee: Well first I’d want people to be more aware of autism and how our kids interact in the world. And, um, second, just like Mike asked the Vice President so sweetly for an apology, I’d like to ask, on his behalf, for FOX News to apologize for having used my son out of context, and using those really horrible words to describe him and our family. That’s really what I would want to come out of this, is just more awareness. And please don’t use kids — whether they’re typically developing kids — it doesn’t matter that he’s autistic or he’s a military kid, forget all that, that doesn’t matter. He’s a kid. And you don’t use children as examples on national television like that. I would hope that this is the very last time that this happens.

Jake Tapper: Thank you so much for being here. I know that it’s not easy to do that, but you’re standing up for your son, and I really appreciate it.

Dr. Herrera-Yee: Thank you very much for having me.

Jake Tapper: Of course.

Tammy Bruce apologized after “The Lead” segment aired.

Tammy Bruce’s Apology


Transcript starts at 0:13.

Tammy Bruce: Good Morning, Bill, thank you so much. First of all, I am so sorry to the family. My intention was never to hurt a kid and his mom. We had absolutely no idea that Michael was on the autism spectrum, and as a gay woman and feminist, I’ve spent most of my adult life working to improve the lives of women, children, and those that are disenfranchised. I get it and I apologize. I also appreciated the boy’s mother, Dr. Ingrid Herrera, public comments, and her clarity on this. A main lesson here, no matter intent, is to leave kids out of our political discussions. We certainly agree on this.

Meet Me at Camera Three, Tammy Bruce

As a disabled woman, I have some concerns:

  • You “apologize” to “the family”, despite demonstrating later in this trainwreck of an apology that you know at least the mother’s name and, more importantly, Michael’s name. You never apologize to any of them by name. This *screamed* at me.
  • You say that you never intended to hurt a kid and his mom. What did you intend to do? You made it clear in your remarks on “Tucker Carlson Tonight” that you knew you were commenting about a child. You called him a snowflake and implied he needed a safe space (and after viewing your other videos, noting that you’re a frequent guest on Carlson’s show, and listening carefully to your tone of voice as you said those things, I actually feel comfortable assuming that you fall on the political far right where “snowflakes” and “safe spaces” are unwelcome), and implied that Dr. Herrera-Yee wasn’t a good parent. If that display on “Tucker Carlson Tonight” was you not intending to hurt a kid and his mom, God help the people you do intend to hurt!
  • You had no idea that Michael was autistic? For what reason do you think that this buys you some slack? You made a mistake because he didn’t “look disabled enough”? You made a mistake because you couldn’t be bothered to do some research into this story? Both? Whatever it was, the fact remains that you saw a chance to make a political point by taking a cheap shot at a kid on national television, and you went with it. And as his mom said, that’s not an okay thing to do to *any* kid. Shame on you.
  • You’re a gay woman and feminist working for social justice? Great. Keep it up. But talk about it somewhere else. All of that doesn’t mean that you “get it”, and it’s not really the point of all this. Or it shouldn’t be.
  • You agree that the main lesson here is to leave kids out of political discussions? Then why did you bring Michael into a political discussion in the first place?

You did owe Michael an apology, Tammy Bruce. You made assumptions about why he felt so strongly about getting an apology from the Vice President, and said some hurtful things as a result. But here’s what really bothers me: I suspect that you apologized only because you (or Fox) were uncomfortable with the fact that you’d bullied a disabled child, and not that you’d bullied a child *period*. Your beliefs as outlined in your apology contradict your words in the “Tucker Carlson Tonight”, otherwise — if you really believed what you said in your apology applied to all children, you wouldn’t have said the things you did in the first place.

Parents of non-disabled children should be insulted by that, and parents of disabled children should be, like Ingrid Herrera-Yee, uncomfortable with this whole business.

I will give Fox News kudos for at least attempting an apology. There are definitely networks out there that wouldn’t have. And if what you said was enough for Michael and his family, then that’s great.

But I know it wasn’t enough for the disability community, Tammy Bruce. I’ve heard them talk about this.

It wasn’t enough for me, either, Tammy Bruce.

Just so you know.

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Thoughts About the May 4th Vote to Repeal and Replace Obamacare

I watched far too much CNN last Thursday. But I couldn’t turn it off. I couldn’t believe that the vote to repeal and replace Obamacare was actually happening.

Content Note: Ableism, Healthcare, Politics

Headshot of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (white male in his 40s with short, wave brown hair and blue eyes) looking thoughtfully into the camera. "Hey Girl, I'll Cover Your Preexisting Condition" is written across the picture in white block letters. Keyword: Obamacare

Image Description: Headshot of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (white male in his 40s with short, wave brown hair and blue eyes) looking thoughtfully into the camera. “Hey Girl, I’ll Cover Your Preexisting Condition” is written across the picture in white block letters.

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Watching from my privileged place here in Canada, where:

  • My mother spent six weeks in intensive care before she died of cancer
  • My father had surgery to fix the three breaks in his leg after being hit by a car and spent two months in a physical rehabilitation hospital
  • My twin niece and nephew were delivered by emergency C-section at 26 weeks and spent the next 3 months in the NICU
  • I had 2 brain surgeries to correct a congenital vascular malformation and spent 5 weeks in the hospital after the ensuing major stroke and nearly six months in inpatient stroke rehabilitation

…I reflect on how we only saw bills for ambulance service and records transfers…and think about where any of us might be if we lived in an America where Trumpcare was the law…and I am appalled.

Appalled

I’m appalled by the bill itself, although I’m fairly confident that despite making it through Congress, it’s dead in the water when it reaches the Senate. It barely got enough support from the GOP to squeak through the house. It *won’t* get the support from the Democrats that it needs in the Senate without major changes. Paul Ryan was so desperate to push this through that he didn’t wait for a ruling from the CBO about the cost of the bill and who it will affect (although we know that the CBO’s analysis of the first bill that Ryan failed to shove through Congress six weeks ago indicated that 24 000 000 people would ultimately lose their health care because of it.) Trump was twisting arms to get people to vote for it up until the morning of the 4th. Representative Chris Collins told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that he didn’t even read the whole bill before voting “Yes” on it and he was not the only one.

Process-wise, this was a nightmare, and it will continue to be a nightmare for the GOP.

And for what? As Nancy Pelosi said on the floor of the House last Thursday, the people who voted for this will “glow in the dark”. The Democrats will make sure that everyone remembers who voted to repeal and replace Obamacare also voted take away health care for the Americans that need it most. Because I am furious on behalf of my disabled American friends, and scared for their future, here’s a list of who voted which way on the Trumpcare bill. Make the people who voted “Yes” glow in the dark for midterm elections in 2018.

What The Fight to Get Rid of Obamacare Is Really About

Obamacare sure as hell isn’t perfect. It needs to be fixed so that healthcare becomes and remains affordable and accessible for everyone. But it’s only in the minds of a group of Republicans who want to obliterate anything with Obama’s stamp on it that it needs to be repealed and totally replaced with something else, instead of tweaked so that the people who got healthcare coverage under Obamacare could keep it and so that coverage could become more affordable for those that are paying far too much for it right now. In their zeal to repeal and replace, with the bill they’ve presently voted on, they’ve thrown an alarmingly large group of Americans that includes the elderly, disabled people, people with cancer, people with mental conditions, people addicted to drugs, and women who have been sexually assaulted under the bus and pretty much said, “We don’t mind standing back and watching you die.”

According to the Kaiser Family Foundation’s list of pre-existing conditions that have universally been used to deny people insurance in the past, and that have raised premiums in the past, if I lived in US I’d be at risk of outright losing my insurance or a premium hike for factors that I can’t control, several times over. So would friends and loved ones, including my baby niece and nephew, who didn’t ask to be born three months premature.

Conclusion

I don’t believe that this bill will become law. But if it did, people who depend on getting health coverage through Obamacare would die. It is simply unfair that ability to obtain healthcare be tied to how much money you make. It’s more than unfair. It’s barbaric.

American friends, tell your representatives that when you call them — that the world is watching, we’re judging, and we’re using words like “barbaric”. Ask them if they can live with that.

Not sure what else to say about this right now. Just know that there are Canadians who are watching what’s going on and talking about it amongst ourselves, and that we will help however we can.

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